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Hello, Good People of the Internet!

I trust everyone is doing well and that the new year is all you hoped for. If not, then remember there is plenty of the year left for it to improve.

There has been some improvements here on AIWW, and though I am very afraid to talk about them as that usually puts a jinx on them, I will be brave.

The AIWW website itself has been upgraded to a much better hosting standard. Well, that's the idea anyway. The reality is that the new hosting has been nothing but trouble. I have been informed that all of the teething problems should now be over. I guess we'll see.

Also, this newsletter has had its delivery system upgraded too, which means that you all should get it at the same time rather than over the course of a day, and you all should actually get it. Again, we'll see how that goes, I guess.

This is all thanks to the very good people over on my Patreon, who send me money every month to be able to continue doing what I do. If you do enjoy or get value out of what I do, please consider joining up or have a look at all the other ways you can support me at the end of this newsletter. But I will hasten to say that support is entirely optional, so please don't feel any pressure to support if you can't or don't want to.

Also, in this newsletter, I have moved the various elements around a bit to make the essay section more up front and the extras and promotions to the end.

Honestly, I have no idea what I am doing, and this is probably a huge mistake from a marketing point of view. The best I can do is make the Newsletter structure something I would like to read, and hope that works for everyone and everything else.

To be fair, the Newsletter probably has far too much in it, and maybe I would be better served to do two separate newsletters— one with the news, reading, media and promotions and another with just the essays. I don't know. Let me know your thoughts.

If you have any ideas or comments about the Newsletter, just hit reply to this Newsletter and send me an email. Or use the Social Media info down below to find me in all the usual places.

Now, let's get to this essay...

LAST CALL.

In Tim Power's book LAST CALL, a book that contains my favourite representation of Magic, there is a scene where the characters are looking for clues on what to do next. They decide that the best thing to do is to take a drive around town and let the universe guide them by following any signs, synchronicities, or strangeness.

I have a deep sense that my role as an artist is to be a channel or a midwife to an idea that wants to manifest in the material world. As an artist, I aim to allow myself to be guided by signs, synchronicities and strangeness and be as open as possible to whatever actually is manifesting rather than what I want it to be.

I often try to apply this approach to my personal life too, but with less success. By allowing situations to lead me, I end up in places I don't enjoy, aren't particularly good, or feel demeaning.

When I followed the often touted advice of saying yes to everything, I quickly noticed that people began to take advantage of me, and I just became a performing monkey for their wants and goals. My goals, wants, and needs were no longer a factor as I was too busy fulfilling everyone else's goals, wants and needs.

Saying yes to everything is fucking terrible advice— particularly for people pleasers. 

That said, I have had experiences similar to the car journey from Last Call that haven't led me away from my own needs, but instead led me to something greater— something magical. I've had one recently that I'd like to share with you.

It's not the most fantastic tale of Magic ever told by any means, but it's a true story and probably a more accurate representation of Magic in action than those huge but rare Magic moments we all like to hear about.

THE RAG TREE

Last month I endured a few problematic days where nothing seemed to be going right for me creatively. I decided that rather than fighting it, I should leave the office and hang out in nature for a while to try to reset and then return later in a more refreshed and rejuvenated state.

I decided that I would head out to the old graveyard in Faughart. I hadn't been there in a while, but I had planned to return soon because I recently borrowed a book from the library about pilgrimages in Ireland and during a preliminary flick through the pages, I noticed that the Faughart graveyard was mentioned in it.

I hadn't read the section of the book by then, and the plan was to visit after I had, but man— I needed to get out of the office!

So, off I went.

In this graveyard, there is a grave of the last High King of Ireland, Edward de Bruce, though it seems unlikely that any of his remains are buried there given the fact that after his death, his body had been quartered and sent to various towns in Ireland, with his head delivered to King Edward II. What's actually buried there? I guess we'll never know.

Apart from this exceptional grave, there is another section of the graveyard that, for me at least, is even more interesting. It's the Holy Well of St Brigid and her "Rag Tree" or "Wishing Tree". I did a vlog that features the area, and I even brought Spud to it on one of his visits. It's a lovely place, though a bit sad.

While there, I was looking at the Rag Tree and all the very touching elements placed on it for luck, healing, or honouring— from baby clothes to photos of the dead—and I just started talking out loud about my own sadness and struggles. It's not strange for me to tell trees my troubles; I do it often, and I find it immensely helpful.

I started to think about Brigid herself and the Celtic Goddess from where the Saint perhaps originally came. I say perhaps because no one knows, and it's as likely as not that both the Goddess and the Saint are both fiction— but does that matter given that all stories are true?

Before I left the graveyard, I began to think about the many times previously I had approached a God or Goddess, Spirit, Saint, or whatever to ask to "work with" them, and mostly how I had never gotten a response. Even going on a pilgrimage to Romania to see the relics of Saint Cyprian did nothing by way of getting his attention, as far as I could tell.

So, with that in my mind, I left by saying to the tree, but aiming it at the Goddess Brigid, "If you have anything you'd like to share with me or whatever, send me a sign. Otherwise, I'm just going to leave you alone and not bother you".

I left and put it all entirely out of my mind.

PICK A CARD. ANY CARD.

A few days later, I'm outside a church for a funeral. I'm there with my father and uncle when a man joins us in conversation. He seems harmless but a bit of a lost soul. He doesn't hang around for long, but before he goes, he turns round, hands me a prayer card for St Bridig and reminds me that it is her feast day coming up (though he did get the date wrong).

Hmmm, I said and smiled to myself a little. Isn't that interesting.

I started reading up on Brigid a few days before her Feast Day (Feb 1st), but I found it very hard to get any good information on Celtic myths and legends. It's mostly reconstructionism, and frankly, people just making up stuff because they want it to be true.

I half-listened to a few audiobooks, and skimmed a few ebooks. Nothing really grabbed me.

I did, however, go back to the library book I had about Irish pilgrimages and read the passage on Brigid. The writer tells us about his time going to the shrine and the well on her feast day and how he enjoyed it. Reading his enthusiasm made me enthusiastic, so I felt like I should probably do something to mark the occasion of her Feast day, as it was all getting too syncy for me to ignore.

The night before the feast day, my family and I all hung out rags to catch the morning dew. Brigid, they say, blesses these rags, and they can then be used for healing (or generating good luck) throughout the year. You can use the same rag for seven years if you leave it out each year. After seven years, you are meant to replace the rag with a new one.

On the feast day itself, I drove out to the holy well in Faughart again, not knowing what to expect. Would there be huge impenetrable crowds? After all, Ireland still loves its Saints despite having a large falling out with the church itself.

It turns out it was more a steady-flowing crowd than everyone coming all at once, but I luckily managed to time my visit quite well. I had the place to myself for a few minutes before the next people arrived. I got some water from the well, tied some knots on a string to the tree for good luck and blessings, and said some prayers.

It was lovely. All the people I met were lovely too. All very friendly and open. On returning back to the office, I lit a candle for Bridig and thought that that would probably be it. It was a lovely experience. I wasn't wanting or expecting anything more.

Yet, I couldn't get the whole Celtic stuff out of my head over the next few days. I even bought some children's books for the wee man on Irish myths and legends— which sadly turned out to be absolutely unsuitable for him as they were really too graphic.

Another book I read, The Stream of Everything, which I mention below in the READING section, also had elements of Celtic /Irish philosophy and spirit— but not the kind you find in reconstructed Celtic mass-market books. The genuine stuff. The stuff about rivers, trees, rocks, and old men who own old fields full of troubles.

Something was trying to get my attention, I felt, with all this Irish stuff. If it wasn't the reconstruction, what was it?

I meditated upon it.

And what came to light it is the land itself that, in some way, was trying to get me to notice it.

To remember it. To reclaim it.

THE CALL OF THE LAND

Without aiming to be needlessly poetic, it felt like the earthiness of the country itself was calling to me. The soul of Ireland, as it manifests in the actual rock, soil, water, trees and fields, was asking for me to see it.

Over the last few days there has been a sense of something I have always known arising within and around me. This something is something I have always pushed back and rejected.

Rejected because pride in Irishness and history is mixed up in my mind with Irish republicanism, violence, sadness, and despair.

Rejected because of the awfulness of the Irish Catholic Church and the shamed-based Irish Spirituality that comes with it and from it.

Rejected because, as usual, I am always running away from what I am, hoping to find something better— something more valuable— over the hill. The truth can't be found here, I felt. The truth is over there somewhere in the mystic and exotic east, not here in the ground beneath my very feet.

As much as I have tried my best over the last few years to connect with the physicalness of this planet, this country, and this life, I still feel that I see the earth as sinful, wrong, or lesser— something to be shunned.

The majority of my spiritual seeking told me that the world is an illusion, that my real home is somewhere else, that I must escape from the prison that is physical life, that the material world is evil etc. etc. etc. Blah, blah, blah.

My explorations of spirituality, together with my Catholic upbringing, led me to a place where I often deeply feel at the core of my being that something is very wrong with me and the world.

Having a human life means I have done something wrong or made a mistake, and therefore my life must be spent asking for forgiveness for my wrongdoing,  rectifying this problem, atoning for my bad ways, and getting back to my real home as soon as possible.

I must shun life at all costs. At best, it's an illusion, at worst, a punishment.

But the thing that has been calling me since I first talked to the rag tree a few weeks ago is this question: What would happen if you stopped running from this world and instead lovingly embraced it? What if you acknowledged the world as divine?

But can I stop rejecting the life I have been given and the planet I have come forth from? Can I stop trying to escape or wake up from the gloriousness presented to me every single moment of my existence?

Can I stop pursuing a spirituality that seems to despise physical life? Can I stop rejecting my Irish roots? Can I stop feeling that there is something inherently wrong with the world? Can I stop feeling that there is something inherently wrong with me?

Big questions. But also something of a map.

And to finish and come full circle, Brigid made one final appearance.

As part of my reclamation of Irish spirituality, I have been reading and listening to people such as John O'Donohoe and John Moriarty— voices I would have previously rejected as too Irish, too twee, too catholic.

While watching a video about John Moriarty I notice as the camera pans around his house that there on his window is a prayer book of St Brigid with a photo of her on the cover. In that moment, it felt like that book had been placed there just for me and that she was looking right at me.

I swear to God, had she winked, I wouldn't have been surprised in the least.

So, this is a three-card reading using the oracle deck I created called The Forty Servants, which pertains to the period between this Newsletter and the release of the next one, whenever that may be. The question this time is:

WHAT DO WE NEED TO REMEMBER?

Much of what we view as outside oppositional forces and the limiting inner shadows and beliefs we hold close are just stories we tell ourselves or ideas we have picked up from others. They aren't necessarily true at all. Check your assumptions and opinions against how you actually feel inside to see if the stories we tell ourselves are really the case.

Sometimes I check the bottom card on the deck for clarity or advice on actually dealing with what the main reading says. Sometimes it can reveal hidden factors, and sometimes, it just suggests what to do. In this case, I found The Monk. The Monk says to pull back into silence and simplicity, and this, I feel, is perfect advice for this reading.

And with that, let's have the News...

TURBINE SYNDROME NEWS & REVIEWS

Foolish Fish recently did a lovely review of Turbine Syndrome on his channel. You can watch it HERE! And over on The Occult Book Review, they also gave TS a glowing review. You can read that HERE!

In other Turbine Syndrome news, you'll all be happy to hear that there is now a TS T-shirt available to buy on Amazon.  You can get more details and buy it HERE!

NEW "LEARNER" VERSION OF THE FORTY SERVANTS DECK COMING SOON!

I've been working away on a couple of new things using the Forty Servants based on feedback from people on what they'd like to see. One of them is this "Learner" version of the deck which has a short description of the Servant right on the card face to aid people in getting familiar with the deck.

I'm not sure I'll actually call it the "Learners" deck as I think it looks cool enough that non-learners might enjoy using it too and I wouldn't want to put them off it with the title. If anyone has any ideas what to call it then please send them on!

Other Forty Servants stuff to look out for in the near to mid future is a new print, a version of the deck that'll come in a tin box for better safety and sturdiness when traveling, and a dice set with all the sigils on a set of dice, again coming in a cool tin box. Forty Servants T-Shirts will be coming soon too.

NEW MUSIC: Violent Monochrome

I released a new song last week, with a video to go along with it. You can watch the video on YouTube or listen to it on any of the usual streaming services.

YOUTUBE:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGVRBjrVUB8

BANDCAMP:
https://tommiekelly.bandcamp.com/track/violent-monochrome

STREAMING SERVICES:
https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/tommiekelly/violent-monochrome

$10 OFF FORTY SERVANTS

Just to say thank you for reading the newsletter here is a coupon code to get $10 off all the various versions of the Forty Servants decks throughout February. Use FebruaryServants at checkout over on GameCrafter to get the discount

And that's all the News. Let's now move onto something completely different...

WATCHING

Tár
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt14444726/

There was an awful lot in this for me to love— music, passion, creativity, intrigue, shadows, darkness— and while I did really enjoy it I have to also admit I was annoyed by a lot of it too.

It's one of those movies that you become very aware of that the people in it are acting. Not because they are giving bad performances—quite the opposite, the performances are great. The issue for me was that the movie tries to imitate "real life" at times and it becomes a bit too uncanny valley for me. I am always too aware that it is a performance.

As an example one of the opening scenes is a long extended interview between two people on a stage. I've seen this style of interview many times before, and the director, Todd Field, is really close to pulling it off other than the dialogue is too perfect for it to feel real. There are no ums, ahs, or any pauses to think about what to say, or no stumbling over words etc. And while this is mostly fine in movies, it brought me out of the story and into the craft, particularly in this scene. It wants to come across as "real" and "natural" but is too perfectly performed.

And the problem then is that I never got lost in the story, I was always very aware of it being a movie— very aware of the process. An argument could be made that being aware of the process behind the movie is intentional given the nature of the story itself, and the personality of the main character.

But its a good movie, and you should watch it. But I suspect it may annoy you in places too, and not just for this one reason I mention. There is a lot to be annoyed about— and that may not be a bad thing.

READING

The Stream of Everything
By John Connell
https://amzn.to/3Y9V51p

I recently joined the library again after an absence of many years and I have to say that I am thoroughly enjoying the experience. I found this book on the "New Arrivals" shelf and thought I'd take a chance on it. I actually thought it was a fiction book but it turned out to be a first hand account of two friends going down the Camlin river in Longford in a canoe during the end of the Lockdowns in Ireland. Along the way we learn about life, people, folklore, philosophy, places, and things. A wonderful journey, and a book I hugged when I finished. Wonderful and highly recommended.

LISTENING

A Modern Life
By Lo Moon
SPOTIFY LINK

Myself and my better half recently went to see the ever wonderful Metric playing in the Academy in Dublin. Truly great gig. But its their support band, Lo Moon, that has been on my Spotify rotation since. They have a great dreamy, almost shoegazey, sound combined with some lovely vocal melodies and reverberant guitar lines. This album is great— but I suspect their next work will be their defining piece as their live energy and spirit aren't fully captured on this one.

And that's it for another AIWW Newsletter, I hope you got something from it. If you'd like to chat about you can hit reply to this email or come find me over on Discord.

If you would like to support me in doing all the things I do, then feel free to join the PATREON, Buy me a BOOK, Buy a PRINT, Buy a FORTY SERVANTS deck, or just send me some money via PAYPAL, it all really, really helps!

So, until next time,
MAY YOUR BEST DAYS BE AHEAD!

T