Are you getting the opposite of what you Desire?
The last few weeks have been an interesting time for me – mostly in that I have been reappraising my Magick workings and practices to try to sort out what works and what doesn’t in order to know what to keep and what to toss out.
Although I have been know to say that I get very little return on my current Magick practice, my latest reflection has lead me to believe that this isn’t really always the case, but in a strange way. Looking through my Magick Diary and having a good think about things has shown me that I do get a very decent effect from my Magick – it’s just that sometimes the effect is largely the opposite of what I wanted.
I wasn’t seeing these results clearly because I was judging the success of the work on whether I got the outcome I desired rather than noticing if anything at all happened. If I enchant for X and I don’t get X, I would have put that down as a failure. However, what actually happens a lot of the time is that I will enchant for X and end up with less X than I had before the working. The Magick seems to make things a bit (or a lot) worse than it was. So much so, that I wonder if I sigiled for absolute poverty would I end up being stupidly rich?
An clear example of this is a recent money ritual, where I was doing a working to increase my income by a certain amount within the following two weeks. At the end of the two weeks my income or financial position had not gotten better, in fact it had worsened. It did start well, with a regular client contacting me to say that they had some new regular and long term work they wanted me to do. Victory, I thought! But I was too hasty:
- I found out that an income stream that I rely on, is now ending, or at the very best changing in form to such an extend that it is very unlikely that I will want that type of work.
- A number of unforeseen bills and expenses appeared. And,
- The new work from the old client that seemed to come out of the blue and made me feel “It’s Happening!” was cancelled by email after a few days, when the client changed their mind about doing it. This sort of snap-back is a common element to my Magick.
So, instead of improving the situation, my Magick has worsened it. But, it still did something. Something happened. Something changed. A result, is a result and I now have more data to work with in future.
But then it hit me that this isn’t the first time this sort of effect appeared. All my life I have noticed that when I put my mind to doing something, things would suddenly break or become harder to do.
Photo by Tyler Rayburn
Now, before I go into some examples of what I am talking about, I want to stress that I am not trying to give a list of “why my life is shit” or going all “Poor, poor me” on you. For the most part, my life is awesome (Great Wife, Great Job, Great House, Great Friends, Great Health, No Personal Debt, Blah, blah, blah) but the bits that aren’t awesome are what I am trying to currently work through and talk about on this blog. There are already enough blogs where people talk about how awesome their lives are, or how amazing their Magick is. That said, I promise I will do a “Life is great” post for balance in the near future 🙂
Examples –
- When I was really into music and recording, recording equipment or software would work fine when recording or doing stuff for other people but would break, stop working or go on fire (on more than on occasion) when I sat down to do some recording of my own. This happened so often that I would have to factor the repair/recovery time into my allotted schedule.
- Computer problems suddenly appearing on the day that I need the computer more than I did in the previous weeks – such as a client needing work done on a tight timeline, or if I had been really looking forward to a new game being released the GPU will break the morning the game is released having been perfect up until then.
- Rules or laws changing just when I start using a service that makes the service useless to me – when it had been a perfect for years up until I actually got round to using it. See more on this below.
- There is also the Bad Mood Magick that I am really, really good at. If I am upset or annoyed everything around me really echoes this and the earth becomes a lot harder to navigate. Phone won’t ring all day but if I am annoyed or upset, two people will ring at the same time, which will coincide with someone walking into the room to urgently talk to me and I will get an email that I HAVE to answer immediately.
- Physics seems to change when I am annoyed – things fall or won’t stay in position on shelves (like really ridiculously not following basic rules of physics – like a book falling in the opposite direction to it’s lean), items break around me, drinks spill not matter how careful I am, Light bulbs break, electronic items always break around me or when I need them. You get the idea.
- I could go on, but I’ll not bore you. I am sure some of you could add your own experiences to the list.
There is a strange but constant feeling that as soon as I want to do something, it instantly becomes harder to do. To be clear, this isn’t to say that if I want to do something, I find out more about it and then realise that it is harder to do than I thought. No, this is when things actually change in physicality or in nature that makes it harder for me to do it than it would have been before I decided I really wanted (or probably more correctly needed) to do it.
For instance, I set up a Patreon awhile back just before the VAT laws changed that then made it impossible for me to use (this was solved days after I deleted my account – which I said at the time would be exactly what would happen). Another example: I just set up an ETSY store last week and guess what? The VAT laws have changed and are being implemented TODAY! making ETSY more expensive to use than it has been for years (also, there is added inescapable VAT rules because I am in Ireland, and so is ETSY).
Now, I am very aware that ETSY didn’t change the rules just to make my particular life harder. That’s not what I am saying. I know this is an out there blog, but I’m not that paranoid… yet. 🙂
Photo by Daniel Vazquez
What it isn’t –
First, Let’s assume that it isn’t just the old “I am just remembering these events wrong” or “I am noticing them more because I am trying to make a pattern out of chaos” or whatever notions rational people try to dismiss this sort of stuff with – other people notice this type of thing happens around me – it’s not just me reading too much into it. Besides, I am pretty sure a lot of you have very similar experiences.
I am equally going to dismiss that that the universe is out to get me or punish me, mainly because that sort of stuff spirals into really bad places and even if it was true believing and acting on that that is going to help me or my happiness. Nothing good comes out of this idea.
I’m also dismissing curses, as I’m not too convinced they are an actual thing. Besides, this has been happening a long time, since at least teenage years and I don’t think I pissed off or even knew any bad ass Black Magicians then.
I’m also dismissing plain old bad luck – too much pattern to it, too often occurs, too much of a constant.
The whole “Clearing out to make room for something new” is thrown out because for instance, If I want to use my computer and it suddenly breaks, it just means I have to pay to get it repaired, it is not making room for anything other than a headache and stress. If you lose income after doing a money working, and nothing comes in to replace or better it, than you just got cleaned out, not cleared out.
Lust of Result?
Could it just be the old chestnut of that I am falling instantly into the trap of wanting something and therefore put myself in the loop of “wanting”? I have totally forgotten about sigils or workings I did, and when I look back over my diary and remember them, I also realise that they didn’t happen. Not convinced on Lust of Result in general anyway, it seems like a trap, or even a great way to mentally torture yourself.
“DON’T THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU WANT FOOD OR YOU WILL NEVER GET ANY FOOD!”
How can you possibly forget your most important Magick goals? It seems to me, to be an idea that people use to explain why Magick doesn’t work, but ultimately doesn’t really explain it. Focusing totally on your goals works a lot of the time, and we have all forgotten many, many goals/sigils/Magicks that never ended up happening.
Also, I think that things getting worse rather than having no effect would suggest that something else is going on. Being guilty of Lust of Result is meant to keep you in a state of “wanting” not having the opposite effect happen.
That said, I do think there is something in the whole “For to the one who has, more will be given, and he will have an abundance, but from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. ” Jaysus was talking about knowledge of the mysteries here rather than just financial abundance but I feel it applies to more than just knowledge. I don’t fully understand this statement or idea though, but it seems to ring true a lot of the time.
So, what is it?
I have some ideas on this that are mixing with other ideas in my skull but I wanted to get some feedback from all you good people on this. Is this something that you notice in your work too? Have you found a way round it? Have you any inisght you can share on the problem?
Leave a comment below, on Facebook or just email me
EDIT:
Going by some responses I got on reddit, it appearers that I may be coming across as saying “My life is shit and nothing works out for me – poor me” which really wasn’t my intention for this piece at all. I was more pointing out that I have all these results from magick that are the opposite of what I was aiming for, rather than saying “look, my life is shit and no one loves me!”. My life is very far from shit and I am far from being in a grand mess of any sort.
Anyway, just thought I should clarify.
Hi I read your blog … Well its some thing similar… Its like I can never keep a promise! I I say that ill meet you at 4 pm then the whole universe starts to work against me!
If am expecting a payment from my client and I plan my finance accordingly you may see how that payment gets delayed like he is never going to pay me up!
Almost anything I say goes against me of late I’ve started to notice this pattern…
Its like am I jinxed ?
Should I zip my mouth??? Its so crazy when all that you say goes wrong… Any idea?
If you are anything like I was then I suspect it’s you sabotaging yourself on some level. Try doing some Shadow work and seeing what monster you have lurking in your darkness 🙂
Hi Tommie,
Seems to me that your Shadow is working overtime to get you to notice it. Yeah it’s messing with you, yeah it is purposeful, yeah it is powerful. Just like above when you mention ” giving away my power by thinking I am not in control or that there is some force that I have to convince or appease to do what I ask for.” What if that force Is You, and by looking outside of yourself for power, you’re pissing it off?
When one of these contrary things happens, what if instead of getting upset or aggravated, you were able to say something to the effect of “Wow, I am super powerful, look how I caused XYZ to happen, completely against all natural law! I ROCK!” and *really & sincerely* give yourself Kudos and praise for that- I wonder how long that ‘crossed’ condition would last? Because now you’d be giving that part of you proper notice, attention and acknowledgment, perhaps that part of you wouldn’t have to resort to ‘negative attention’.
I know, it sounds kind of out there, but if you’re interested, I highly recommend Carolyn Elliot’s work on Existential Kink, the concept of ‘getting off’ on the ‘bad’ things that happen in one’s life. It is a perspective change that radicalizes one’s magic and unites the will. Having a divided will is usually the ultimate cause for these contrary effects.
This is post is from over a year ago, and thankfully I don’t have these issues anymore – but yea it did turn out to be all shadow stuff. Mostly to do with playing the victim.
I’ll give that book a look, seems interesting. Thanks Kimberly!
Hey Kimberly,
It seems this hasn’t been all resolved and I am only now really been drawn to your ideas and advice. Thanks again. I appreciate it.
Ah hah! run into this have you? Yes this is all sorts of fun. “The more control you gain over your reality, the more responsibility you have for it’s upkeep”.
On the “your world just freaking out”/murpheys law thing when you’re stressed- mental and emotional control are key. meditation helps- not the long form, but the mind centering and dismissal of emotional response and getting back to focus as fast as possible thing. When I started it took about 30 breaths, now I can do it usually in 1 to 3. still the waters of the self, wait for the ripples or echoes to subside, and shit should calm back to normal. Hope that made sense. Don’t let yourself fuck up your world. Gotta be mindful.
On the spell backfire thing- just gotta practice through it. Throw at small shit that totally doesn’t matter, do it a Lot, and just observe, tweak how you’re holding your mind, tweak pushing and pulling,tweak your aim/targets/what reality you’re standing in, play with specificity of intent (less gets it faster but it’s a crapshoot on how close to your intent it’ll be- I prefer this, as I’m a creative problem solver and like to work with whatever’s to hand that will do- More specificity takes longer- sometimes a Lot longer, and you can specific yourself right out of even Possible if the reality you’re shooting for can’t line up or your cause/effect chain relies on people who decide not to play along with the *nudge*.)
On the electronics- 1 ward, or enchant, your electronics. You’re Dresdening them or cursing yourself (see being mindful). It’s a thing that happens. If you enchant them, give them the spark of magick, acknowledge their “spirit”, this causes Other effects and they get opinionated, fair warning. there are some benefits though. Wards, (like a magickal Faraday cage if you take my meaning) Should cut down on these problems dramatically. Offerings to the faeries also help sometimes.
On Bad Luck vs the World- That’s a tricky one. uncanny fails, I find, sometimes indicate you were going the wrong way, pathwise, and you should be doing something else. I know that sounds like wootastic fluff but it’s also a potential thing (not something to get carried away with- confirmation bias is a bitch, but it’s worth considering) You may just need to jump your track.
an uncrossing as suggested below is not a bad idea either.
You could be doing it to yourself- sort of unconscious self sabotage. That gets weird and complex and brings up more questions than answers, but I know when i’m depressive I have more of those issues if I’m not keeping my ‘reality control mechanisms” on an even keel- it’s kinda like the Big version of the localized murphey’s law thing I’ll ponder on how do deal with that (beyond mindfulness) and get back to you.
I’ve got some other thoughts on it, but I’ll have to think about how to explain it.
Ah nice one Ryan, lots of great stuff there, as always.
I totally get what you mean by the mind centering stuff, and funnily enough it is something I have been really working on the last few days as I also suspect this has a huge part in all this. I also really like the idea of enchanting the electronic items, or even going further and properly enchanting my office in some way.
Ultimately though, I think the majority of this stuff is being caused by me. Not exactly self-sabotage (but partly) and not Guilt or deserving issues (but partly) more giving away my power by thinking I am not in control or that there is some force that I have to convince or appease to do what I ask for. A lot of my magick problems probably stem from thinking I have no power myself and that I need “god” (or spirit, or demon, or planet, or ancestor, insert other outside force here) to do stuff for me, if only it would.
So, I’m working on personal power more than ever, which is mostly coming from our previous conversations and the blogs you linked me. SO, ya know – thanks 😀
Don’t discount curses so quickly. They certainly are a thing. I’ve cast them and seen them done–can share stories if you want. As an experiment, why not try an old fashioned hoodoo uncrossing ritual?
Maybe so John, I might be dismissing them too easily. I guess I mostly don’t think I have done anything of significance to someone to warrant a curse – but who knows, right? That’s probably extremely naive of me.
I do banish a lot, but haven’t ever actually done an uncrossing ritual – but I will in the very near future!
It might not be a curse per se, it might be crossed conditions created by yourself for whatever reason that were never cleared (since you say you have never done an uncrossing ritual). Or (even though this is usually not my first thought unless all other possibilities have been examined and dismissed) it may be some kind of ancestral curse, or even some kind of ancestral/inherited pattern that is causing this.
I’d be very interested to see if anything changes if you decide to go through with the uncrossing ritual. I actually have a friend who is pretty much like that. She’s not into magic at all, but she essentially experiences the same thing you’re describing on a constant basis, plus she always meets the worst/most annoying kind of people, or people who are generally nice to others but will treat her and only her like crap for no reason at all. Unfortunately, she truly doesn’t believe in magic of any kind. So I get to hear her complain about all kinds of weird crappy things that happen to her but I cannot help her in any way if she won’t let me.
I am pretty sure I am going to do an Uncrossing at this stage, it has been mentioned far too many times to me in the past few days for me to ignore it.
How to undo curses??? Does astrology have a part in this ????
https://www.adventuresinwoowoo.com/2016/06/the-uncrossing-ritual/
I do at times get the opposite result of my magic working, but USUALLY, my problem is that I get EXACTLY what I did magic for, but the fall out from getting it make me way more uncomfortable than I could have anticipated. Going through exactly that right now. Did a working, got what I asked for, very quickly, and it’s such that there’s no way I could deny that it was my magic that made it happen. But now that I have what I wanted, I’m dealing with all sorts of shit that I wasn’t expecting to deal with.
There’s SOMETHING going on. The magic works. Maybe your polarity is flipped? If I noticed a pattern like you’re noticing, I’d try experimenting with doing magic for the opposite of what you want and see what that does. But I’d also work on shifting your energy field. Literally visualize a polarity flip in yourself.
I like that idea of a polarity flip. That could be quite useful.
There is a thing in Kinesiology called switching, which basically means you have the opposite reaction than you should. Good things test negative, bad thing positive. There may be something similar to this involved here.
Thanks Gwynne!